he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
