Whats the count minus fat chicks?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
