Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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