Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
