Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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