Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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