im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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