whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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