Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
