WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
