My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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