just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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