I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
