ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
