did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
