Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
