I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
