not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
