dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
