I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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