I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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