If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
