i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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