i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
