It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
