I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
