WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
