Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
