Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
