shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize
