Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just invented taco cereal.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
