I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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