She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
