Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
