I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
