mondays should just be called national damage control day
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
