maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
