Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
