I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
