Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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