i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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