I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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