So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
