Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
