and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
