ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
