It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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