I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
