Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
