I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
love makes seman taste better
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
