oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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